Dear friend, I understand how you feel.
I too have seen the blackest darkness in my life. This is not to say that our experiences are the same, but similar. So I understand you.
I cried so much I asked God if my tears could cover an entire football field. I cried so much that I was afraid to start, because I didn't know when I would stop. I wondered if it would last forever. The years passed and although there were joys, the multitude of pain was stronger.
God has been my anchor of hope.
In the coldest winter, the sight of the robin reminded me that God saw me, that he heard me. It helped me have faith that a better day would come. My misery grew with the passing years but so did His mercy.
I felt like Alice in Wonderland, who kept falling down the rabbit hole, but never managed to reach the bottom. They said that if you hit rock bottom, you could only go up, but I didn't understand why the bottom got deeper and deeper instead.
Finally the light arrived and a hand grabbed me. The previous darkness slipped away, giving space to new hopes and the inner strength to believe that I too could be loved.
One chapter ended and a new one began with my baptism at age 22.
After 9 years of insomnia, where I could stay awake for 3 consecutive days, I found myself in the right place at the right time. They prayed for me for healing and despite my fear, faith took its course: I was freed from it and now 5 years have already passed.
I still had recurring nightmares, due to trauma. I had to understand and accept them, to face them and move forward. It wasn't easy and I would be lying if I said I didn't cry a lot, but then the tears ended and they made room for joy: the greatest victory has arrived.
The sun is shining on me too now.
I'm no longer that vampire who wished she was a mermaid. Now I know that I am a daughter of God and therefore that I too was created with love and purpose.
Like the heat of light which warms the skin, so I feel.
Comforted and sparkling with delicate joy.
Life has its ups and downs, but now it's different.
There isn't all that weight and I discovered that what I previously hoped for, but didn't think was possible for me, was possible for God.
He got me out of bad situations, gave me joy and healing.
If I look back and think about how I felt, the paralyzing emotions, the time that slipped through my hands, I now see that God has won over everything, that He recovers time and restores smiles.
This is why I am writing to you,
because I challenge you:
trust in the Lord and you will see the goodness of God in the land of the living.
because you never know if tomorrow is the day everything changes :)
Keep moving forward and don't give up. Your every effort will be rewarded, because you are Important and your life has value. You make the difference.
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