For years I knew there was something wrong with me but I couldn't figure out what. I know I felt like a ghost, even though I was interacting with people, because it was like I couldn't feel present in the moment. I had read about dissociation because I was determined to find a solution but I didn't think I had it.
Years passed and the truth came out when I spoke to a trauma expert about my recurring nightmares.
In recurring nightmares I was being abused and I couldn't react. I am convinced that the Lord wanted to "torment" me with these nightmares to help me accept how I had experienced my past relationship. In fact, through the therapist, we analyzed my experience and I had to confront the truth that I had tried to suffocate. I heartily thank God that in that period I was able to talk about it in particular with a sweet sister in Christ who was able to make me feel understood and reminded me that emotions are okay, because I am human💖
The specialist helped me understand since when I had third-person memories (one of the characteristics of physical dissociation, in those moments I couldn't react). I had 2 memories in which I still lived with my mother: in the first she had hit me so hard that I was curled up on the ground, crying, unable to move; while in the second, it's as if I had seen it before it happened, my mother had gone into the kitchen to get the rolling pin to beat us. So physical dissociation had developed as a defense mechanism and she told me that human beings are capable of doing incredible things to survive.
But now it was time to live.
So she helped me with exercises to do together and breathing.
But she couldn't tell me how long it could take to recover.
After physically experiencing that I wasn't "flying" but that my body had weight, I was shocked. I cried a lot.
I felt my weight during the exercises, but when I got home I couldn't feel it anymore and I cried because I couldn't get that feeling back.
I wondered if I would ever heal and how long it would take.
I kept asking the Lord to help me and...💖
God is good😊🥰💖💖💖 and He helped me heal in 2/3 months. Victory!💪😄🏆💖🥰 Hallelujah!💖💖💖
I remember when I told the specialist, she made a surprised face as if she expected it would take me much longer but Glory be to God, it happened before!💪😀🏆💖💖💖💖💖💖💖 Now it's been 4 years since I got healed!💪😄🥰💖💖💖
Before, when we climbed six flights of stairs, I made fun of my classmate (💖) because it was tiring for her while I managed to climb up without problems. However, since I feel the weight of my body, I'm struggling too and I'm out of breath!😂💖 I think it's amazing because it reminds me of what the Lord has done for me 💪:) 🥰💖💖💖
I conclude by praying that the Lord may encourage you that for Him ALL is possible and that you are loved! May God heals you and gives you His victory so that your life can be a living testimony of His glory! In the name of Jesus, amen! :) 💪👑💖🏆💖💖💖
Matthew 19:26
Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."
Ephesians 3:20-21
Now all glory to God, who is able, through His mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. Glory to Him in the church and in Christ Jesus through all generations forevere and ever! Amen.
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